Well well well, the invalid’s going back to the doctors to waste even more tax payers money, I’ve been avoiding him for a while but I figure its about time to go back, I have begun self harming again (which I haven’t done for four years), am not eating properly, drinking again (and was doing so well) and am generally painfully self-aware, overtly analytical, cynical, nihilistic ECT ECT BLAH BLAH BLAH, I even bore myself with all this self indulgent bullocks
I think my main worry is that I have become very secretive with my behaviour, even with James, whereas before, at least with him I would say something but now well I only ever seem to be eating for show and even then it doesn’t usually stay in my stomach for too long ( which really is strange for me because I have always had a massive appetite), before people would say I was looking good, now they say I look pale and thin and ask if I’m sick, even my mother ( who is stick thin), keeps trying to give me seconds, maybe I’m paranoid or maybe she’s caught on, but it seems as if she’s pressuring me to eat, even though I purposely eat in front of her, in order to disprove her suspicions
I don’t know if I have a problem or not, circumstance brought on these issues, but it probably would of happened one way or another anyway so I can only blame myself, needless to say I do worry, maybe I should just stop being so self possessed and get on with it, I don’t know, maybe I will go to the doctors appointment tomorrow but in all honestly I probably wont, why waste his time, when people with really problems could have my appointment